DEPAKOTE ( divalproex sodium )
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I have been on depakote for over one year now (500mg daily) and do not feel as if it is working anymore. Aside from the Depakote, I am on Cymbalta (60mg daily) and Xanax as needed (prescribed only 10-2mg every three months). All but the xanax were prescribed to me while recovering from attempted suicide in a mental institution. Everyone there received the same medicine no matter what reason they had been admitted. I am unable to stay awake, I crave sugar all the time, my bones hurt and the last thing I feel like doing is exercising. It is enough to work full time, take care of 3 girls (4, 6 and 15) and keep myself in line. Good news is I am meth free and doing well to abstain from alcohol. I am meeting with my first pyschologist next week. This has been delayed for too long now.

Over the past week, I have broke down or out four times and sometimes dont' even know why or just over something stupid. Every month, two weeks prior to my menstral cycle, I turn into a devil with horns and all. No matter how much I adjust diet, etc I could explode. There was a time, I was so focused it was scary. My memory was amazing and now I use lists to remember what needs to be done. The really sad part is I loose the frickin list now! I can not tell if I am truly bipolar, crazy, OCD, ADHD or just dealing with a stressful world with a messed up society that inflicts every sort of idea, justifies it and then treats it with a pill.

I am meeting with my general practioner to reevaluate my medicine. Blood tests have been taken to ensure my thyroid, blood sugar and other levels are good. So far, nothing has been found bad. Lithium may be an option; however I ultimately would like to be medication free. I have a really hard time accepting that I am dealing with mental illness and that it has over run my physical life so badly. My grandmother, my aunt and my uncle all have been diagnosed with bipolar. I also have an uncle diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I have been on depakote for over 10 years for bi-polar 2. I seemed to do fine on it for a very long time. It got me to have a regulated sleep pattern again after years of insomnia, aggitation and angry outbursts. There are side effects that I do not like. Memory problems, slow thinking, and generally feeling not sharp anymore. I used to be able to spell anything without fail. I have lost that ability. Math computations such as price comparason shopping is near impossible. I see people in my small town regularly and draw a blank as to what their name is. I traded sleep for a systematic dumbing down and a feeling of losing my basic energetic personality. All of these side effects were slow and insidious. Last year I had my thyroid out due to cancer. A few months after that I had to stop all thyroid replacement hormone to undergo treatment. Still on depakote I had a major malfunction of my emotions. Mind you becoming totally hypothyroid is an absolute 100% guaranteed way to clinical depression. Since getting back on my thyroid hormone at a very high dose to stay TSH surpressed it seems like the depakote quit on me. I have had levels of everything checked. My calcium, Vit D, T4, T3, and depakote levels are all normal. My sleep is abnormal again. I do not have the angry outburst or depression but I have an absence of emotion. No laughing, crying, happiness, sadness.....empty void. I have been to my psychiatrist and he has told me that my hormone system has been altered and we have to try other meds. I tried a small stint with Lamictal and that sent me into mania and a rash, so I had to get off of it. For now I am not on depakote because I had to wean off for the Lamictal trial. I weighing my options and thinking about not going on anything else right now to see if my system balances out. Could it be that the thyroid cancer that had spread to lymph nodes created the original symptoms that were misdiagnosed??? I have not had one panic attack after my surgery and I had them for over 10 yrs.

I have been on Divalproex for about 4 months for migraines. I am slowly starting to notice my mind not being as sharp as it once was. I feel like I am losing my mind. I used to be able to remember phone numbers after hearing them once and add or multiply anything in my head. Not anymore. I feel like I can't get anything done because I am easily distracted. I am starting to have a terrible time the 2 weeks until my period starts. I am normally complimented at work for how happy and thorough I am with my patients but those 2 weeks it is a real struggle now just to smile and get everything done. I want so badly to get off of it but I am scared. I was weaned off of Effexer and that was the scariest thing in the world. I was afraid I was going to hurt myself or someone else. If my husband was not there I dont think I would have made it. I was not told about having to be weaned off of this when it was prescribed to me. I get the same feeling I used to get from the effexer if I missed a dose that I do with this. Does anyone have any advice for me to get through this process?? I have a 9 year old and a 1 year old I am home with while my husband works at nigh so I know it is going to be very difficult on me as well as them.